Losing it ~ Rachel

This post is not about losing weight…it’s about losing your mind. Do you ever feel like your life is spiraling out of control? That’s what mine is doing right now and I do not like it one bit! It’s not even like more stuff has been added to my to-do plate…it’s just that I somehow stopped caring enough to be disciplined about anything. I get absolutely nothing accomplished each day. I have no idea how I can get up at 6:30am and go to bed at 10:00pm and get nothing done.  I guess this is what you’d call a funk? At least before I was eating right and exercising. Even that’s gone out the window. End result: stress.

For the past couple of weeks, I have lost control of just about everything. The only thing going smoothly right now is wedding planning. Apparently we are way ahead of the ballgame on that given that our wedding date isn’t until Oct 2011. Anyways, here’s what’s been happening:

(1)  I stopped meal planning and tracking my food. Result: I don’t eat very well, I gain weight and I generally feel like crap (which makes me not want to cook)

(2) I stopped exercising. Result: I don’t eat very well, I gain weight and I generally feel like crap (which makes me not want to exercise).

I’ve had some things in my schedule the last couple of weeks that certainly challenged my ability to eat right and exercise but it’s never stopped me before…this time I just let everything derail my efforts. And then it became easier to just forget I was on Weight Watchers and exercising on a regular basis.I ate McDonald’s last night. McDonald’s. I went to the golden freakin’ arches and only felt a teensy bit guilty. I just didn’t care.

(3) I haven’t worked on my dissertation a whole lot. Result: I’m behind, my mentor is “worried” and the dissertation tasks become more and more daunting as time goes on. The smallest problem becomes so overwhelming that I put up walls around it and ignore it. My dissertation is not gonna get done that way for crying out loud. They say grad students learn to hate their dissertations. Well, I’m at that point. I’ve overthought so much stuff that I’ve plowed myself into a wall.

(4)  I don’t take any time for myself. Result: I feel like I am pulled in a million directions all of the time, our social calendar is always full and I never have any down time. I don’t read for fun anymore which really pisses me off because I have stacks of books I want to read. When I do sit down to read, I’m asleep in about 5 minutes because I allow myself to relax.

So what am I going to do about all of this?

I’m going to schedule everything for the next month in terms of when I do dissertation work, when I do non-dissertation work, when I watch tv, when I read, when I meal plan/grocery shop, when I clean, when I blog/read blogs and when I have social outings (or innings which is the case when I have people over here).

What does that mean for you all? Well, I haven’t been posting a whole lot these days so if anything, you might see more posts from me. I have to make my health a priority and blogging helps me do that. So I’ll try and post a little bit better than I have been. If anything, it’ll be short recaps of the things I did accomplish during the day. I’m going to probably cut down on the list of blogs I read on a daily basis (although in all honesty, I can get through them in 15 minutes in the morning).

When I started grad school, I had a 20hr/week job, I was taking like 5-6 HARD classes and doing work all the time. I was productive. Maybe I just need to make my schedule look like it’s jam packed all the time so that I can be productive again. Weird, isn’t it?

I leave you with a comic from Piled Higher & Deeper, a comic strip about grad student life that is so accurate it’s scary.

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  • Debbi Does Dinner Healthy  On September 13, 2010 at 10:51 pm

    I’m with you babe! Totally. I totally should be in bed now but I’m trying to catch up on a few of my favorite blogs. I just can’t keep up though. Life is SOOOOO busy and I’m not doing the meal tracking and exercising either. LIFE is just getting in the way!

    Well, here’s what we gotta do. Take back our life and make IT as important as the other stuff. MORE important! Seriously, we NEED to just make better choices. Yes, I’m totally talking to myself. Here I am trying to motivate others but SHOULD be writing my own post and trying to motivate myself.

    Come on! Lets. Just. Do. It.

    Don’t you dare go to McD’s again. 🙂

  • Shelley B  On September 14, 2010 at 7:32 pm

    It is hard to get writing done (says the one who is TRYING to write something other than her blog) – distractions are all over the place! Hopefully your new, packed schedule will give you what you need to get everything done. Nice work getting such a head start on the wedding, anyway! 🙂

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